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Losing a loved one is never an easy experience to go through but once they are gone you must remember the happy moments that you had with them and  take as much time as you can spending it with them because you can never get that time back.

                When I was growing up, between eight o’clock in the morning until five in the evening on weekdays, I spent time at my grandma and grandpas house. I loved spending time over there but mostly I loved being with my grandpa. He was my hero and my whole world. We would have fun all day long and we would pick arguments with each other just because we could. We would sit there together and eat peaches right out of the can because it was our favorite food. On nice days he would take me outside, hook up my little red wagon to the lawn mower and take me around the block. I know that we had to look ridiculous, with an umbrella sticking out the back so the sun did not beat down on me. Those were always my favorite days.
              I always reminisce about those days although they were so long ago, but they never fail to bring the biggest smile across my face. I had hoped that those days would never end but I knew they would, just not so quickly. My grandpa had worked as a janitor for many years at Madison Junior High School.  At the time that he was working was when they still had asbestos in the classrooms. He took part in tearing all of it out of the walls when they discovered that it was detrimental for your health. He did not take many safety precautions, thinking that it would not hurt him in the long run.

                In 1998 he was diagnosed with lung cancer. At this point in time I did not realize the severity of his illness until it got to the point of him being bed ridden.  At first he was still healthy enough to play together and he could still take me for rides around the block in the wagon. But eventually, he ended up getting worse and worse through the year to the point where he had to be bed ridden because he could hardly breathe. He did not want to go through chemotherapy because he said “when it was his time to go he should go.”

                I was only five when he had become bed ridden and looking at all of the machines in his room scared me. I was also sad because I knew at some point in time that grandpa was going to leave me. I was so mad at him that I did not want to see him, I would avoid his room as much as possible. When my parents started to talk to me about what was happening I decided that it was time to bite the bullet and not be scared or mad anymore. I wanted to spend the last days with my grandpa that I could.

                Every day I would go to his room and sit with him where we would talk for hours and hours. It was getting close to February. This happens to be my birthday month. I had told him that he is not allowed to die before my birthday. He had promised me that he would live to see another birthday of mine.

I remember my Grandma and Aunt Kathy walking up to his room with me where we were going to open my birthday presents. The one that I was most excited for was grandpas, I knew he had given my aunt money and specific directions to go buy me one. I opened up the gift my grandma and aunt had gotten me, saving grandpas for last.  I unwrapped his present, it was a wind-up carousel that plays beautiful music. I loved it, even more special because grandpa had gotten it for me. We finished opening presents then grandma went and got the Red Devil’s food cake. We lit the candles and sang happy birthday. That day will always have a special place in my heart.

                My birthday was on the third, on February eighth grandpa passed away. He lived to see another birthday just like he had promised me. I was at school that day, and the teacher came and told me my mom was here to pick me up, I knew that this was odd because it was the middle of the day. We drove over to grandma and grandpas house where I saw the whole family standing there. I knew that grandpa was gone.

                I remember being so angry at him for leaving me, but at the same time I knew that he was not hurting anymore. A few days later we had his funeral. I did not want to cry during the funeral but I could not help it. My grandpa, my hero was gone forever. We went to the cemetery after the service and I stood there with my mom, dad and grandma as they played “Taps” and did the “Twenty-One Gun Salute”. To this day, it still hurts me to think about him.

                I was sad that I had lost my grandpa but I knew that I had a lot of memories to remember him by.  I also, I had a gift that will always hold a special place in my heart.  Whenever I see that carousel I smile, simply because I remember grandpas face when I opened the box and saw it for the first time.

                To this day every time I think of my grandpa or talk about him I have to choke back tears. I have to keep reminding myself of all the good times we had. I knew that I had spent the most possible time we could together and I could not let my anger get in the way of my final days of being with him.  I know that he is always looking down on me. I had learned the phrase “carpe diem” a few years later. This means “seize the day”.  As I think back that is exactly what I did with my grandpa and I would not change a thing.